Dear Naked Woman,

I can't say it was really nice "meeting" you at the pool today.  I use the word meeting loosely, since I couldn't look you in the eye.  I have no clue what you look like.  If I were to meet you on the street, I probably wouldn't recognize you.  However, I was a little traumatized from the experience, and now that I've had time to think about it, there are some things I would like to say to you.

1. I don't think it should take anyone 10 minutes to put lotion on their body.  And if it does, maybe you should do it in an area that is NOT right in front of my three children who can stare at you.
2. It is quite possible to do your hair AFTER you get dressed.  Flipping your hair upside down and then right side up again makes things jiggle.  Although, since I was trying VERY hard not to look at you, I'm not quite sure of that.
3. Please don't stop in the middle of getting dressed to do something else.  Again, I have three children that stare.
4. Having a conversation with me probably isn't going to happen until you put a shirt on.  Even then, if you're going to start parenting my kids for me, I might not be very talkative.  And nicely insulting  complimenting me on how busy I am and outnumbered by my kids only makes me more turned off because you are nude while saying it.

There are change cubicles in the changing rooms for a reason.  Please utilize them.  I'm very glad that my kids had good manners and didn't comment on your lack of clothing.  Next time, maybe you could reciprocate and try not to be naked any longer than absolutely necessary.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Kendra