If I was a betting girl...I wouldn't bet on me

It's a cutthroat world I live in.  I live in a world where I am the captain of a sports team and people are counting on me to win.  They bet money on me.  However, my team sucks.  We play two sports during one game.  Game one is played outside in the mud.  Tackle football.  Then, we head inside to play a game of baseball...on the wii.  I think one of the reasons my team is no good is because instead of playing with baseball bats, we use onesies.  They're pretty floppy.  My power hitter isn't living up to his potential. 

According to Andy Rooney, this is because he doesn't make the other guys quake in their boots before a game by mentioning all of the stocks and bonds he has in oil and gas.  I think that's what he said.  I couldn't really listen because I was trying to hit a ball using a floppy onesie.  Also, he was in the corridor of an arena talking while I was in a living room playing baseball on the wii...and he wasn't on a television anywhere...I don't think he was on a radio either.  How do I know this then?  All I really know is, we're a pretty bad team.  Maybe next season we can stage a comeback.  I wouldn't bet on it though.